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     KEYZINE: An E-zine for LEADERS:
   ABOUT THE PEOPLE PART OF BUSINESS
         Volume 107, January 25, 2011
  Publisher: © Key Associates, 2010
              ISSN # 1545-8873
           http://www.mkkey.com/

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COMMUNICATION: GREETING WITH YOUR HEART

"Language most shows a man; speak that I may see you."
                              -Ben Johnson, Explorata

I came upon a fabulous film, featuring Nicholas Boothman, titled 
"How to Connect in Healthcare in 90 Seconds or Less."  This minute 
and a half is the length of time you have to create trust and make a connection with 
other people.  As a former photographer, his teaching included the following tips:

1. Choose the right attitude (welcoming, empathic, curious, resourceful).
2. Send the right signals (look them in the eye, point your heart, mirror them).
3. Get them talking, keep them talking (make a short statement, 
   follow with an open question, give them feedback).

What struck home with me was: POINT YOUR HEART AT THEM.  This is the beginning 
of a true relationship.  People want to affiliate and trust you and be real with you.

In my experience, you first must be authentic (truthful).  The Aboriginal people are 
said to be able to communicate without language, because they tell no lies.  People 
sense a fake, and feel your intentions.  Conversations from the heart are liberating, 
because they remove the weight of disguise.

When you point your heart, you are looking for the good in people.  You must be 
on their level and holding no judgments about them.  Most of the feedback people 
have gotten in life is negative or trivial.  See the good in them and bounce back 
what you notice about them in your communication (this is my Grandmother's 
teaching).  Ask open questions.  Pull on their end of the rope.  Confer respect 
by giving them your deepest listening.

Align yourself with the intention to communicate (Erhard Seminars Training, Inc.).  
The art/science of Syntonics describes mirroring or being physically like the other.  
In my conflict management work, we use pacing or matching the other in tone of voice, 
speed of language, breathing, eye contact (too much is threatening, too little is not 
acknowledging them), standing or sitting on the same level.  You are in emotional 
equilibrium with them and responsive to the environment, making subtle changes, 
as you learn more about them.  

In this way, you can lead and let lead; it is a dance.



PRACTICE POINT: Practice greeting people with your heart.  When you say, 
"Good Morning," mean it.  When you ask how they are today, listen for the full 
answer.  Stand in the light and see them in it, as well.