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      KEYZINE: An e-zine for LEADERS:
     ABOUT THE PEOPLE PART OF BUSINESS
                 Volume 54, September 2005
    Publisher: © Key Associates, 2005
              ISSN # 1545-8873
           http://www.mkkey.com

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This Issue: On "Minding Manners"

This is a monthly electronic magazine for anyone 
who wants to be a better leader, coach, facilitator, 
or simply, to tune up their people skills.  It is a 
complimentary publication, devoted to the next
evolution of Quality Thinking.

View Earlier Issues --See our new website (http://www.mkkey.com) 

Contents:

• What's Hot in Leadership
• Maintaining Yourself as a Leader
• Frequently Asked Questions from Leaders
• Educational Opportunities
• Useful Websites
• Articles/Publications
  

"To have respect for ourselves guides our morals,
and to have deference for others guides our manners. "
           -- Lawrence Sterne (1713 - 1768)

"Rudeness is man's imitation of strength."
           -- Eric Hoffer (1902 - 1983)

"Good manners will open doors that the best education
cannot ."
           -- Clarence Thomas (1948- )

"Good manners sometimes means simply putting up
with other people's bad manners."
           -- H. Jackson Browne, P. S. I Love You

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WHAT'S HOT IN LEADERSHIP
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GRACE UNDER PRESSURE (AND AT ALL
OTHER TIMES).

TRULY LISTENING AFTER ASKING, "HOW
ARE YOU?"

MODELING THE WAY FOR A RESPECTFUL
WORKPLACE .

DEVELOPING A KNACK FOR TACT.

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MAINTAINING YOURSELF AS A LEADER
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People look to you to model the values, ethics,
and decorum of the organization. To all eyes,
internal and external, you are the organization!
Admirers and critiques alike observe your appearance,
language, behavior, and style to discern
the principles by which the organization
operates.

Cultivate good manners, tact, diplomacy, etiquette.  
They suggest you are willing to control yourself 
for the benefit of others.

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FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
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"Our employees treat each other rudely.  I would like 
to impose some rules.  Any ideas?"

Rules have a harsh ring.  If you impose them, 
then you will have to police them.  I like to think 
in adult terms of Guidelines or Principles.  The most 
effective method I have seen is to have a team 
describe their ideal work experience, and their worst.  
List those conditions that promoted the team's effective 
functioning--i.e., how did they treat each other?  
Then list ways "we" should behave with each other 
in order to build that kind of culture.  Eliminate any 
that all of us cannot support.  And there you have 
your "Agreement."  Ask them to hold each other 
accountable, with feedback.

"Do leaders have any say about behavior
outside the workplace?"

Put it in these terms:

What we do in private does impact what
we do in public.

Every employee is an ambassador for the
organization. Behavior in- and outside of
the job reflects on the company. People
know who you work for, and liken your
character to that of your business.

The success of your business is your paycheck.
If you sully your organization, you help the
competition take your job away.

"One of the most boorish things we do is gossip.
Is there any end to it? 

Most times gossip is an attempt to build certainty
in the absence of good information. So, first provide
ample information. One organization even had a
"rumor hotline" during a major change effort, and
every Friday, each rumor was addressed according
to the truth.

Another function of gossip is to confer power to the 
gossiper (being in the know).  This may require some 
personal coaching, with feedback about the destructive 
nature of loose lips.

Where information is not publishable, this should
be clear and the reasons behind it. The first rule is
holding these matters in confidence, and not tolerating
exceptions. "Loose lips sink ships."

A third factor may be the ill habit of "triangulation"--
not taking issues directly to the appropriate person.
This could be addressed by an agreement stating, "Take
the issue to the person with whom you have the problem."
And teaching principles of good feedback and gentle
confrontation.

"I'm terrible at remembering names.  I have flubbed 
several greetings on this account."

Greetings and partings are important rituals in 
conversation.  I find that "listening" is the more important 
skill than driving the conversation.  Slow down, learn 
their name (repeat it, use it in the conversation, 
associate it with a mnemonic).  Ask for their proper 
title--"Is that Doctor, Mrs., Vice President, etc.?"  
If you have forgotten their name, they will forgive 
you if you greet them warmly and say something 
like, "I've met you, but I am blocking on your name
...oh, of course!"  Offer your hand shake and say, 
"Good to see you again."  Obtain a business card 
if appropriate, to have practice material.  When you 
follow with, "How are you?," listen for the full answer 
and respond to the content with care.  Always attend 
first to the person, then to the business at hand.

Guide to international business etiquette
http://www.executiveplanet.com/

More on international business manners
http://www.cyborlink.com/besite/Default.asp

Top 245 search results
http://clusty.com/search?query=Business+Etiquette&whence=google

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ARTICLES/PUBLICATIONS                              
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Axtel, Roger E.  (Ed.)  Do's and Taboos Around 
the World, 1993.

Baldrige, Letitia.  Letitia Baldrige's New Complete 
Guide to Executive Manners, 1993.

Casperson, Dana May.  Power Etiquette: What 
You Don't Know Can Kill Your Career, 1999.

Fox, Sue.  Business Etiquette for Dummies, 2001.

Nolan, Chris, Mastering Business Etiquette & 
Protocol, 1999.

Pachter, Barbara & Susan Magee.  When the Little 
Things Count...and They Always Count: 601 Essential 
Things That Everyone in Business Needs to Know, 2001.

Post, Peggy & Peter Post. Emily Post's The Etiquette 
Advantage in Business: Personal Skills for Professional 
Success, Second Edition, 2005.

Stewart, Marjabelle Young & Marian Faux.  
Executive Etiquette in the New Workplace, 1994.

Thomasett, Michael C.  The Little Black Book 
of Business Etiquette, 1991.

Wyse, Lois.  Company Manners: how to behave 
in the workplace in the 90's, New York: 
Crown Trade, 1992.

Yager, Jan.  Business Protocol: How to Survive 
& Succeed in Business, 2001.