#######################################

     KEYZINE: An e-zine for LEADERS:
   ABOUT THE PEOPLE PART OF BUSINESS
             Volume 77, August 2007
  Publisher: © Key Associates, 2007
              ISSN # 1545-8873
           http://www.mkkey.com/

#######################################

                         

This Issue: "Constructive Confrontation"

Contents:

 

"In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, 
the stream always wins--not through strength but through 
perseverance."
                              - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

 

"In life we make progress by conflict and 
in mental life by argument and disputation...
There must be confrontation and opposition, 
in order that sparks be kindled."
                                        - Christopher Hitchens

 "Why not go out on a limb? That's where the fruit is."
                              - Will Rogers

"Resolving conflict is rarely about who is right.  It is 
about  acknowledgement and appreciation of differences."
                              - Thomas F. Crum

**************************************
WHAT'S HOT IN LEADERSHIP
**************************************
FRANK AND HONEST COMMUNICATION.

THE ABILITY TO CONSTRUCTIVELY 
CONFRONT ISSUES BEFORE THEY ESCALATE.

FRAMING  ISSUES CORRECTLY AND
IN A NON-THREATENING WAY.

INSPIRING POSITIVE CHANGE.

***************************************
MAINTAINING YOURSELF AS A LEADER
***************************************
Constructive conflict and "negative" feedback have 
earned the reputation of being "tongue-lashings."
So we shy away from confrontation, thinking it 
will be uncomfortable or stressful.  We look past 
the problem and go on.

Just as everything has two sides, constructive 
confrontation can be an opportunity to help someone 
else.  It demonstrates your desire to open dialogue 
with them, which is an expression of caring.  Position 
yourself where there is no winner or loser, no bad 
people, only an opportunity to learn and improve.  
Set your intention to have both/all parties leave 
feeling satisfied that they can move forward, 
changed for the better.

*************************************
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
**************************************

I dread confronting people problems.  Advice? 

If you avoid, you collude.  Stone, Patton and 
Heen (1999) have written a book that will help 
all of us with these Difficult Conversations.   
They suggest shifting from a "message stance" 
to a "learning stance."  This means inviting the 
other person into the conversation to help us 
figure things out.

You want to create an environment where each
others' stories can be told and heard. Where we 
are curious and not judgmental.  Where we 
are safe to express feelings and share our
viewpoints.   The problem then becomes the difference 
between the stories, and together, as partners, we 
work on collaborative solutions.

 

How do I start a constructive confrontation?

You can seize a defining leadership moment by effective framing
with language (see Fairhurst & Sarr, The Art of Framing: 
Managing the Language of Leadership. 1996):

(Partnering) "I have some information that might be helpful to you."

(Assist in problem-solving) "There's something going on here...Help me understand."

(Use of metaphors) "There are two faces on this issue--let's explore them."

(Spin in a positive light) "When you..., this seems to happen. I know it is not your intention."

(Vision-based framing) "If I see something that could help you be more successful, would you like to hear about it?"

Confrontation can simply be a question:  "Will you help shed some light on what's happening here?"

 

Is there an outline for providing constructive feedback?

There are several helpful links below.  In general:

a.  Prepare beforehand by compiling a list of the facts surrounding the issue. 

b.  Arrange a quiet, uninterrupted space and time to invite them to talk.

c.  Present the problem (behavior or action) and the supporting data with a calm demeanor
    (You may want to rehearse).

d.  Indicate your willingness to help resolve the problem.

e.  Give the other person a chance to respond without interrupting.  Listen deeply.

f.   Engage in dialogue and build partnership.

g.  Thoroughly discuss the problem before moving to solutions.

h.  Invite the other person's creativity in solution-generating.

i.  Strive for an agreement that is win-win.  Establish a plan with checkpoints.

 

Do you have other tips on feedback?

See our e-zine issue: Volume 41, August 2004 - On Feedback

It is helpful to reframe positive and negative feedback as
REINFORCING and REDIRECTING.  The core of all effective 
feedback is "description."

Good feedback is:

* Descriptive
* Behavioral
* Specific
* Timely (close to the behavior)
* Given in manageable amounts
* About behavior that can be changed
* Owned by the provider of the feedback ("I" statement)

and is not:

* Purely evaluative
* Vague or ambiguous
* Labeling or stereotyping
* Exaggerated
* Attributing motive
* Delayed
* Lengthy
* Complicated
* Shaming or blaming 

Constructive confrontation always contains the descriptive 
component, with the added support of data on why it is not working.


**************************************
EDUCATIONAL OPPORTUNITIES
**************************************
An outline for Constructive Confrontation techniques
http://www.villageeap.com/employer-resources/additional_resources/confrontation.html

Another outline on how-to
http://www.wfu.edu/hr/eap/constructiveconf.doc

A white paper on Constructive Confrontation
http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/hwltap7.htm

Key Associates offers a course on how to confront 
conflict effectively 
 http://www.mkkey.com/courses2/ConflictCourse.htm
 and mediation services to help others face their 
differences constructively
http://www.mkkey.com/services.htm

**************************************
OTHER USEFUL WEBSITES 
**************************************
Performance problems and corrective interviews
http://www.cope-inc.com/org_manager/pma/conconf_pm.shtml

Constructive Confrontation as a retention tool
http://www.cwla.org/programs/trieschman/2002fbwfiles/CONSTRUCTIVECRITICISM.doc

Applications in higher education
http://www.campus-adr.org/CMHER/ReportArticles/Edition2_1/Burgess2_1a.html

Former Keyzines on related topics:
Volume 7, October 2001 - Mediating Conflict  
Volume 22, January 2003 - Personal Change
Volume 27, June 2003 - Facilitative Leadership
Volume 37, April 2004 - Dialogue: Thinking Together
Volume 41, August 2004 - Feedback
Volume 46, January 2005 - Having Difficult Conversations


**************************************
ARTICLES/PUBLICATIONS                              
************************************** 
 Crum, Thomas F. The Magic of Conflict. NY:
Simon & Schuster, 1998.

Fairhurst, Gail T. & Sarr, Robert A.  The Art of 
Framing: Managing the Language of Leadership.  
Jossey-Bass, 1996.

Hoover, John & Roger P. Disilvestro.  Constructive 
Confrontation: How to Achieve More Accountability 
with Less Conflict.  Wiley, 2005.

Hathaway, Patti.  Giving and Receiving Feedback: 
Building Constructive Communication.  A Crisp 
Fifty-Minute Series Book, 1998.

Key, M.K. Creatively and constructively managing differences. 
In M. K. Key (Ed.) Managing Change in Healthcare: 
Innovative Solutions for People-based Organizations. 
Chicago: McGraw-Hill, 1999.

Levine, Stewart.  The Book of Agreement:
10 Essential Elements for Getting the Results 
You Want, 2002.

Levine, Stewart.  Getting to Resolution: Turning 
Conflict Into Collaboration, 2000.

Mayer, Richard J. Conflict Management: 
The Courage to Confront. Battelle Press, 1990.

Patterson, Kerry et.al.  Crucial Conversations:
Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, 2002.

Raines, Claire & Ewing, Lara.  The Art of Connecting: 
How to Overcome Differences, Build Rapport, and 
Communicate Effectively with Anyone.  AMACOM, 
2006.

Stone, Douglas; Patton, Bruce & Sheila Heen.  
Difficult Conversations. 1999.