"Great people talk about ideas.  Small people talk 
about other people.”
                                       - Tobias S. Gibson

"So much of what we call management consists 
of making it difficult for people to work.”
                              - Peter Drucker

This is easy to determine. Sometimes you  
feel sick and experience physical symptoms, 
like a headache or stomach pain.  You may feel 
manipulated, as your buttons are being pushed 
(they learn who they can work).  They will use 
tears, tantrums, threats or bribes to bully you 
into doing what they want.  And there is 
a pervasive air of negativity cast in the room.  
Your mood is spoiled and you feel miserable.
You may experience suffocation, because they 
consume so much of your time and energy.

Dr. Glass (1997) explains that, "They're people 
whose feelings of insecurity and inadequacy 
make them jealous, envious and uncaring, 
so they end up sabotaging your projects, your 
relationships, your happiness--even your car 
journey!"

What's the reason for or source of toxicity?

When a person is toxic it is because of their own issues. 
Sometimes these issues can consist of mental illness, 
which exists among approximately 20% of the population
(Mental Health Association).  

They can be individuals who cause you stress by doing 
harm to themselves, such as with addictions.

Dr. Stout (2005) reports that 1 in 25 ordinary Americans 
is a sociopath--i.e., has no conscience and can do 
anything at all without feeling guilty.  This 4% drains 
our relationships, our bank accounts, our self-esteem, 
our very peace on earth.  Sociopathy is ultimately based 
on lovelessness--the inability to form relationships.  
Narcissism is one half on what sociopathy consists of, 
a failure of empathy.  Those with "attachment disorders" 
were once victims themselves, due to their nature and 
their nurturing.  You cannot undo their past.  
You cannot teach people to care.  

Is there a typology of toxicity ?

Many different authors have used a variety of titles for toxic types.  
Grouping them, some are:

- Blamers, Muckrakers
- Shamers, Judges, Critics
- Discounters, Oppositional Personality Disorder, No Sayers
- Professional Victims, Histrionics, Whiners, Soap Opera Stars, Needy-Weenies
- Life Haters, Bitter to the Core, Swamp Dwellers, Drainers
- Gossips, Back-stabbers, Mud Slingers
- Know-it-all's, Steam Rollers
- Zipper Lips

And any other terms that imply negative, nasty, miserable, 
jealous, inconsiderate, financially irresponsible, selfish, and 
abusive.

So what's a person to do with these toxic types?

Like vampires, first don't let them in.  You have 
the power to stop a toxic person. Ultimately, you 
can only change yourself  by controlling your own 
actions and reactions.

Set boundaries and rules.

Provide feedback.   "I sometimes get the feeling 
you're not really listening to me - and it's upsetting." 
Be direct and honest.

Mirror their behavior.  
But try not to lose your temper.

Prepare a humorous response.

Call for a calmer,  more questioning pose.  
"Help me understand..."

Appeal to their ego.  "I need your help..."

If forced to live with one, create a buffer zone.

Or let them go.  Detox your life.

Do you follow an outline?

Oprah's website (linked below) had a graceful formula:

Step One: Set the stage.
"In an effort to honor our relationship, I need to tell you the truth..."

Step Two: Follow up with how you feel.
"When you _______ it makes me feel ______..."

Step Three: Then ask your family member/ friend/colleague.
"Are you willing to stop doing that?"

EXERCISES AND ACTION ITEMS:

* Ask these 4 questions of people in your life:

• Do I like them?
• Do I trust them?
• Do I respect them?
• How do they make me feel?

* Detoxify your workplace.  Partner with healthy people.

**************************************
EDUCATIONAL OPPORTUNITIES
**************************************
Podcast with Marsha Petrie Sue on "Toxic People--Decontaminate Difficult People at Work..."
http://www.allbusiness.com/human-resources/4968330-1.html

The Learning Rap addresses toxic people
http://thelearningrap.blogspot.com/2007/05/toxic-people.html

Dealing with toxic people
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art39146.asp

Focus & say NO to toxic people
http://thinkblade.typepad.com/upgradeyourmind/2004/11/the_power_of_fo_4.html