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      KEYZINE: An e-zine for LEADERS:
     ABOUT THE PEOPLE PART OF BUSINESS
                 Volume 30, September 2003
    Publisher: © Key Associates, 2003
              ISSN # 1545-8873
           http://www.mkkey.com

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This Issue: On "Effective Listening"

Contents:

• What's Hot in Leadership
• Maintaining Yourself as a Leader
• Frequently Asked Questions from Leaders
• Educational Opportunities
• Useful Websites
• Articles/Publications

"Let every one be quick to listen, slow to speak,
slow to anger...." 
                                                       - James 1:19

"Hold a long interview with every employee, 
three or four hours, at least once a year, 
not for criticism, but for help and better 
understanding...." 
                                          - W. Edwards Deming

"Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest
form of flattery." 
                                          - Dr. Joyce Brothers

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WHAT'S HOT IN LEADERSHIP
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LISTENING TO LEARN.

CULTIVATING A MIND THAT'S OPEN TO 
EVERYTHING BUT ATTACHED TO NOTHING.

PRACTICING THE ART OF "THINKING WITH"
NOT "THINKING FOR."

ENGAGING IN DEEP LISTENING--REACHING 
FOR THE SUBTEXT OF THE MESSAGE.

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MAINTAINING YOURSELF AS A LEADER
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Listening is a skill more difficult to practice than
speaking, especially for the busy leader.  It 
requires giving your full attention, which is 
emotionally and intellectually demanding. Yet 
the pay-offs are worth it.  Good listening:

*Facilitates shared understanding among people.
*Builds an environment of trust.
*Enables learning.
*Helps build the self-esteem of those 
  listened to.

Listening is a growth experience for all parties.
For your health, find someone who can listen 
deeply to you.

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FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
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I am chronically distracted by other business
items.  How can I give my attention completely?

There is lots of room for distraction, when the 
mind can process speech four times faster than 
it is spoken.  Fill the space with:

*Listening for meaning.

*Adjusting your posture and eye contact to extend attention.

*Attending to the 85-93% of the message that is non-verbal.

*Paraphrasing what you hear, for clarification.

*Asking open (What? How?) questions for more information.

*Focusing on the "feeling" in the message.

*Taking notes (with their permission).

*Relating what you hear to the person and the bigger picture.

So often I observe that no one is listening in our
meetings.  How can I change this?

Employ a technique offered by the psychologist, 
Carl Rogers, which has been echoed by Stephen Covey.
Set a ground rule that no one may offer their idea, 
until they have accurately restated the previous
point or position of the last speaker.  Note the changes
in the quality of the discussion.

I have trouble listening to some people because
I know what they're going to say.  Is it wrong for me
to avoid them?

This is going to be a bitter pill.  Rogers held that 
there was one major obstacle to communication:
the VOICE of JUDGMENT.  This barrier is the
tendency to evaluate, judge, (dis)approve.  Maybe 
the broken record keeps coming back at you
because you have not conferred the respect of
truly listening with understanding.  This means
seeing from the other person's point of view.
Pulling on their end of the rope.  This is called
EMPATHY.  I heard it said that there is only
one requirement for empathy: remember that 
he/she is trying to survive, just like you.  Once 
heard, there is no need to repeat.

What do you do with a "rambler," who can't 
seem to get to the point?

When they draw a breath, restate or paraphrase
key points.  You are helping them outline their
presentation, without adding your meaning. Then 
bridge back to the subject at hand.  Or state that 
you are confused, and ask for a conclusion.

How can I listen to an employee or customer
who is hostile or excessively angry and directs it 
toward me?

We address this in our Threat of Violence  and 
Dealing with Angry Customers training.
In order to defuse the anger, first align yourself 
with them.  "I understand you have a concern
about the company."  Give them control; establish
a conduit of communication by listening.  "Tell me 
about the situation."  Slow the pace of your speech
(they will mirror you), ask open questions, use their 
name frequently (then they become a real person).  
Turn with them, like Aikido.  Do not interrupt,
push back, or make judgmental remarks.  Express 
your desire to have them partner with you in a solution.  
Then generate options together.  This is an
excellent time for listening!

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EDUCATIONAL OPPORTUNITIES
**************************************
Listening is a key piece of our Leadership course:
http://www.mkkey.com/Key%20Associates/TheNewLeadership.htm
Our Culture course:
http://www.mkkey.com/Key%20Associates/ArchitectingCulture.htm
Our Conflict course:
http://www.mkkey.com/Key%20Associates/Conflict&ArtofIntervention.htm
And our Customer Service Course:
http://www.mkkey.com/Key%20Associates/ezine29.htm
Not to forget our Facilitation course:
http://www.mkkey.com/Key%20Associates/ArtofFacilitation.htm

Workshops to improve your organization's people
skills: http://peoplesmartworkshop.com/

Study guide on what affects active listening:
http://www.iss.stthomas.edu/studyguides/listening.htm

Self-help for students, including Listening:
http://counselling.massey.ac.nz/articles/listening.htm

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OTHER USEFUL WEBSITES 
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Advice on effective listening and note-taking
http://www.csbsju.edu/academicadvising/help/eff-list.html

Practicing listening skills
http://www.va.gov/adr/listen.html

Library links on Interpersonal Listening: 
http://www.mapnp.org/library/commskls/listen/listen.htm

Tips on listening, including sources of difficulty
http://www.drnadig.com/listening.htm

**************************************
ARTICLES/PUBLICATIONS                              
************************************** 
Baker, Larry L. Listening Behavior. Englewood 
Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall, 1971.

Bolton, Robert. People Skills. New York: 
Touchstone, 1979.

Conrad, C. Strategic Organizational Communication. 
New York: Holt, Rinchart, and Winston, 1985.

Daniels, T. & Spiker, B. Perspectives on 
Organizational Communication. Dubuque, IA: 
William C. Brown, 1987.

Deming, W. Edwards.  Out of the Crisis.  
Cambridge: MIT Press, 1986.

Hall, Edward T. The Hidden Dimension. 
Garden City, NY: Doubleday, 1966.

Haney, William V. Communication and 
Organizational Behavior. Homewood, IL: 
Richard D. Irwin, Inc., 1973.

Jablin, R.; Putnam, L.; K. Roberts & L. Porter 
(Eds.). Handbook of Organizational Communication. 
Beverly Hills, CA: Sage, 1987.

Knapp, Mark L. Nonverbal Communication 
in Human Interaction. New York: Holt, 
Rinehart and Winston, 1978.

Kreps, Gary L. Organizational Communication. 
New York: Longman, 1986.

Mehrabian, Albert. Silent Messages. Belmont, CA: 
Wadsworth Publishing Co., 1971.

Pfeffer, Jeffrey & Sutton, R.I. The smart-talk trap. 
Harvard Business Review. May-June 1999.

Reardon, K. Interpersonal Communication: 
Where Minds Meet. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth, 
1987.

Sandwith, Paul. Building quality into communications. 
Training & Development. January, 1994, 55-60.

Rogers, Carl R. & Roethlisberger, F.J. 
Barriers and Gateways to Communication. 
Harvard Business Review. November-December, 
1991, 105-111.

Weaver, Carl H. Human Listening: Processes
and Behavior. New York: Bobbs-Merrill Co., 1972.

Wilmot, W. Dyadic Communication (3d ed.). 
New York: Random House, 1987.